Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I’m depressed, so I see psychologist

Yes you readers, must be so familiar about my older post when I’m such a mellow, grumpy, complaining about this and that. Yeah simply it was a silly problem about young adult life. But you know, I never ever think that I would face the day when I couldn’t handle these all sort of things. Which looks like a silly problem in young adult life.

I d no spirit goin to college, I had no passion doin my exciting college task. slept 10 hours a day but wake up late and easily feel weak. I’m stuck, and all I want is the day stop turning so I can take a lil breath.

I really don't know what was the problem. The previous day was okay but dang! The next day I lost my focus then the day turning till I realized I almost one week in those confusing situation. I couldn't tell my friend or even my parents cause I even didn’t know what was the problem. So you see, how could they help when I even don’t know what was wrong with myself.

So one day I woke up late again, I passed my class, then I realized I might find a help. I might see someone who able to help me. I knew who they could be. Psychologist.

Thank’s God in Medical Center ITS we’ve psycholog to help us out if we’ve a problem about academic or personal problem. I was sitting quite long in Medical’s waiting room, wondering what the hell I was doin here, but finally I lifted my knee and go to the psychologist’s room.

I felt silly sitting down in front of her without any idea what would I tell her about. She asked me tenderly and I just told her about what was goin on me. About sleeping 10 hours, had no passion doing anything and the blah-blah. .At first I just didn't get what the hell I was talking about, oh my God, I just babbling around.

But then after she asked me more deeply, I found that I cry..

I remembered I tell her everything.

Friends, I just didn't know what was the problem with me. I just told her about my worry, my fear, and everything that was lying in my mind. I grab some tissues but I still hear my mouth told her about my cares of life and on and on.

And you know, simply I’m depressed.

We had lot a problem to face along our lifetime. I was kinda introvert, I was not easy to shared my feeling to others. The one I trusted most is my mother. But sometimes I didn’t wanna make her thinking about me lot. Well yea, she might do a lot of things, I was enough mature to captured all my problem! But I didn’t realize there was a snowball effect inside of me. Without someone to shared, it was small a problem which turning day by day till grow enough to kill me. Deep inside.

That was previous week ago. Now I’m okay. I learned from the past and the psychologist opened my eyes that we have choices in this life. You wanna live like it is? It is easy to do. But if you wanna do something more valuable, yea you must fight dear baby. There's no compulsion for that. Nothing can push you, cause you, yourself, who have decision, and you have your own to right to choose how do you gonna treat you life. If things doesn’t work good, we just have to fight, fight, fight. But we still have a choose to retire. Life is all about choose.

How about me? Well, all can I say is I’m gonna fight. It would be hard I know, but I just want it so I’ll take the risk. No pushing down, it's just for my parents, my family, and myself of course. I will fight till the rest of my life

Thank you for unnamed psychologist. Thank you madam for letting me cry and treat my like your own daughter. Thank you for the motivation, thank you for remembering me that my family wont be happy look me down like that. I’ll pay you someday, thank you!
Most of all thank you for my mom who heard this story and keep yelling on me why i still force myself after years. just me, mom, i love you :)

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