Two months before my wedding. I never feel so lonely like today. In this kinda time, I just wanna go home and see my loved ones. But I have tons of wed's stuff here and I am starting up again my accessories line so... let's face it.
I am not complaining and I am not the one who intend to. I am just human who know, exactly, that life has its ups and downs, but still crying when they hit the rocks. Well, humans.
So, some kind which running in my head in these past few days:
1. I become more skeptic in specific area. Wow, I think I am already in top of it but... bang! I become more. Not a good thing, eh?
2. Nothing can beat family bound. Not your friends, b/g friend, or anyone. Family is the one who make you strong. They are place where you can go back after a long tiring journey. Or a place you can visit anytime, sunny or rainy days. I am forever grateful I got a very good one here *oh no, I am teary*
3. I guess I push myself too hard these days. In old days, I used to cry silently in my room when I got a problem. Nobody ever think I was such a person. Because after crying I would feel so much better so I can put my what-are-you-looking-at face right after I out from my room. It's relaxing somehow, like transferring the negative emotion out from your body. But nowadays, I didn't feel like I can cry even my heart hurts so baaad... So in the entire week I am feeling weak, having headache, and feeling like my chest get burned and can explode anytime. I think I was hurt for no reason. Or the reason was too simple. But some people just made it worse but I didn't know who the one I should blame, so I blamed myself first in the end...
4. For the first time, I am afraid that I will be weak to death. Lost my appetite again. Well, I always have it when I get a problem. But nowadays, when I supposed to be happy counting days to the wedding? Come on, Missus...
5. I am not sure am I worth it. I am feeling like full of sin, I am so ashamed of myself. I don't know if there is a chance or time to fix it. I just can hope that God will always love me and forgive me and never tired to give me another, another and another chance. Amin.
That's all... Oh my current favo quote is "if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail". I don't know who's the exact author, but I heard it thousand times from my friend Fajjar Nugraha. And I guess I am gonna love (and need) it more these days!
And another random tips for you girls... Please, please respect yourself. Your body, your mind, your way of thinking... everything that's in you. Never ever give anyone chance to look down on you. Believe me, I heard about it a lot.
Even I am so blue but it won't stop me for giving y'all a kiss! Thank you for reading!♥