A Housewife Dilema

This post had been started written in May 1st but finished in May 12th
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Kalau flashback ke belakang, katakanlah lima tahun ke belakang saja, mungkin tidak akan terbayang beginilah kehidupan saya sekarang. Dalam imajinasi paling liar, bahkan dalam plan paling buruk (saat itu) tak mungkin terbayang bahwa saya saat ini, tahun 2015, di pagi hari yang cerah di Hari Buruh, sedang menikmati momen yang sangat langka bernama me-time, di sebuah kota kecil di utara Pulau Jawa. Ada batita yang tidur lelap di kamar sebelah dan di halaman tumbuh lebat pohon labu yang baru saja dipanen, buahnya dibuat kolak yang mengepul hangat menemani saya menulis.

 

Betapa Allah bekerja dengan cara yang misterius.. salah satu frase favorit saya.

 

Namun memang begitulah adanya..

 

Sementara saya menulis, angin berdesir lembut, menggoyangkan vitrage dari jendela pondok mungil kami; saya bersyukur. Sepenuh hati bersyukur. Syukur yang dibalut takjub pada kuasa Allah; pada rencanaNya yang mengejutkan. But as every surprise gift… mengejutkan tapi menyenangkan. Walau dalam beberapa bagian kadang terasa lucu. Bayangkan saja.. dari yang awalnya bercita-cita lulus kuliah langsung merantau ke Jakarta, bekerja di media, tinggal di apartemen dan nongkrong di Kemang ba’da kerja, lha kok sekarang jadi ibu rumah tangga, ngurusin bayi dan bercocok tanam di waktu senggang. Eaaa…kata anak sekarang. Most amazing part-nya adalah kok ya saya enjoy aja gitu lho..dan ini pilihan sendiri. Jadi memang perannya Yang Kuasa luar biasa sekali membolak-balik hati saya dalam hal ini; yang awalnya terlihat menarik jadi tidak, begitupun sebaliknya..

Saya ingat perjalanan saya tiga hari ke Jakarta (dulu, taun 2013. Sendiri saja tanpa suami, hanya mau nostalgia dengan kawan lama) yang dipenuhi agenda ngantri busway, berdesakan di busway, nungguin macet di dalam busway. Alamaaak.. hidup kok rasanya habis di jalan (all hail for Jakartans yang sanggup menghadapi semua ini every single day!). Bubar jalan keinginan merasakan hectic-nya ibukota. Biar pak sopir sajalah yang pusing liat mobil berjejal-jejal, saya duduk anteng di kursi belakang; sambil update Instagram atau tidur ayam, bangun-bangun sudah sampai Plaza Indonesia. Tentu itu ngayal. Mana ada gaji jurnalis pemula bisa bayarin sopir pribadi apalagi naik taksi setiap hari. Permisalan saja lhoo… kalau dulu saya jadi jurnalis beneran di ibukota..

 

Sebentar, saya jadi lupa awalnya niat nulis apa -.-"

Ya begitulah intinya.. saya sangat bersyukur dengan kondisi saat ini. Terlihat jauh dari riak, tapi bukan berarti tanpa tantangan. Tantangannya mungkin lebih ke pertikaian dalam diri.. Terkadang melihat kawan lain sudah begini begitu, saya kok merasa begini-begini aja. Seolah jadi IRT adalah stempel mati bahwa selamanya akan berkutat urusan anak dan rumah. But, hey, adakah yang salah dengan itu? Saya rasa tidak, kalau memang itu adalah pilihan murni seseorang. Malah jadi ladang pahala. Hail to every IRT yang bisa stay di rumah 24/7 ngurus suami, anak dan rumah, apalagi kalau tanpa bantuan rewang. Kalau saya mah tidak bisa, atau belum bias deh.. Bebersih rumah sendirian sangat takes time dan melelahkan buat saya. Kalau masak masih okelah.. karena hobi juga. Prinsip saya, mah, waktu dan tenaga kita terbatas. Jadi kalau ada kerjaan yang kira-kira 80% bisa dikerjakan dengan baik oleh orang lain, maka delegasikanlah saja hehehe...

 Aduh, sebenernya saya ini mau ngomong apa sih.. Oh ya, pertikaian dalam diri..

Saya mah suka galau kadang-kadang kalo liat si A atau si B. Namanya manusia yaa..durian tetangga selalu terlihat lebih menggiurkan. Padahal si A si B mah bisa jadi galau juga kalau liat saya haha.. Situ punya karier oke, tapi galau jodoh. Sini Insya Allah udah ketemu jodohnya tapi definisi kariernya masih ngambang... daan sebagainya. Ya ya ya.. wajar ya sekali-kali galau, namanya manusia. The most important thing is cepet-cepet ingat dan bersyukur aja. Inget kalau duren tetangga yang keliatannya lebih besar belum tentu dagingnya setebel dan semanis punya kita. Bahkan bersyukur at least kita punya duren daripada ada tuh yang ga punya duren walaupun kecil dan rasanya sepo* (ini apa yak kok malah ngomongin duren?? Penting banget yaaa perumpamaannyaaa..). 

C'est la vie**



Balik lagi soal stempel mati IRT...
Well, since I know from the first time kalau saya bukan tipe yang bisa diam aja di rumah, for me it just a matter of time saya mulai asyik lagi denga beragam project seru yang biasa saya kerjain. But for now, Azka is my top priority. Saya tahu bakal nyesel banget kalau sampai ngelewatin fase pertumbuhannya Azka. Soal jualan, ngedesain, bahkan sekolah lagi, akan ada banyak waktu untuk itu. Nanti. Tapi kalau ngeliat Azka tumbuh? Tinggal tunggu waktu aja dia mulai asyik main sama temannya dan ga ngintilin umminya ke manapun kayak sekarang :)



Jadi begitulah..
Curhatan saya kali ini...
Maapkeun kalau banyak muter-muternya dan agak gak nyambung prolog sama epilognya... hiksss
Begitulah kalau kelamaan ga nulis. Jangan ditiru ya sifat suka ketidurannya yang bikin jadi ga sempet-sempet nulis terus.


I really miss writing. I hope I will have plenty of time in the future to do this routines..
Will try my best to catch up soon!


Much love from Ummi Umar ♥♥♥

 *bahasa jawa yang artinya hambar

**bahasa prancis, artinya kira-kira "yahh..begitulah hidup"

A Sweet (Hopefully!) Comeback

ALHAMDULILLAAAHHHH!!!

Cuma itu yang bisa saya ucapkan when FINALLY I can enter to this blog. Yeah, my blog yang udah hiatus dari November ini... Ampun dah, parah banget.

Jadi yaaa.. namanya ujian. Dimulai dari susahnya spare time buat ngeblog, modem bermasalah, kompie rusak, sampai... gak bisa masuk ke blog ini entah kenapa.. hiksss...
Kangennn.. kangen nulis.. Karena literally ga nulis apapun yang panjangan dikit berbulan-bulan (kecuali kalau resep mpasi Azka dihitung nulis..). I lost my insanity, to be honest... Nothing can heal as good as writing.. Oh, my eternal love *lebay*

Banyak banget yang pengen saya share..and I bet some of you are curious about my not-so-new-actually dailylife as a mother :p (haha GR banget). In sya Allah will be post more about it... doaken saja semuanya dimudahkan... (Ya Allah mudahkanlah jalan hambaMu untuk nulisss.. karena ini salah satu lahan hamba tuk memberi manfaat bagi sekitar.. Aaamiiinnn..)

Just a lil sneak peek to my life.. sekarang saya mulai berusaha nyeimbangin antara ngurus anak dan ngurus yang lain-lain (baca: jualan). Udah dari dulu emang pengen jadi pengusaha.. yang sukses. Cuma memang effortnya harus lebih sekarang-sekarang ini pas udah punya baby. Teteupp doongg Azka yang utama.. cuma saya pengennya sih as soon as possible bisa mencapai financial freedom *halah*. Kan enak... pengen beli kosmetik yang katanya bikin wajah sebening kristal ini itu ya tinggal ayuukk.. Bisa infaq, sedekah lebih banyak.. In sya Allah bisa membantu orang lain lebih banyak juga.. Dan pastinya, bisa memaksimalkan potensi yang udah dikasih Allah :) Eman banget kaan punya keinginan kuat dan talenta tapi kalau ujung-ujungnya cuma mantengin instagram *apeu deh*


Dah segitu aja dulu deh nulisnya.. tar malah jadi ke mana-mana. Buat cerita yang ke mana-mana mending saya tulis di post tersendiri yaa fellas..

It is 1 AM by the way.. and I still have a pile of tasks.. *buku kas melambai-lambai*


See you again, my friends.. It's really, really good to be back ♥

Cibon Says Hello

Assalamualaikum teman-teman semua.. *benerin jilbab*

Aslinya hari ini ga ada jadwal buat nulis karena kayaknya ga ada yang worth it buat ditulis..dan kerjaan numpuk tapi masih belum mood nyentuh. tapi lagi pengen nulis aja..

Kontrol Cibon yang ke 8 bulan masih ntar Sabtu ini... Hiii seperti biasanya ga sabar ketemu Cibon :3 Habis kontrol Cibon rencananya mau maternity photoshoot juga..aslinya sih perut belum gendut-gendut banget cuma udah pengen foto aja karena bawaannya udah cape aja..pengen ndang mari semua urusan di luar rumah trus bisa leyeh-leyeh nunggu the day di rumah hehehe.. Jadi ini nulis sambil browsing nyari inspirasi buat photoshootnya entar, yang Insya Allah bakal dibantuin ama temenku.. Doakan lancar dan hasilnya bagus yaa jadi bisa buat kenang-kenangan!

Btw baca di salah satu ensiklopedi kalau bayi ternyata bisa lho ngerasain apa kegiatan yang dia suka dan tidak... Awalnya percaya ga percaya sih...Tapi setelah merhatiin, kenapa si Cibon ini umek terus alias gak mau diam kalau dibawa kerja di depan komputer...kadang-kadang sampe bikin punggung pegeeel banget. Agak rewel lah sampai harus dielus-elus dan dibujuk-bujuk biar kooperatif hihi...
Lain halnya kalau diajak jualan. Walaupun misal sama-sama duduk dalam durasi yang lama, tapi ini anak anteng banget...hehe calon pengusaha sukses ya kamu naak.. (aamiiinn)..tapi yang penting jadi anak soleh dulu yaa..syukur-syukur bisa hafiz Quran.. (AAMIIINNN)

Apa lagi ya? Oya.. hari Minggu ini tanggal 23 Insya Allah The Darling x Dear Darla bakal ikutan Sunday Market lohh.. We will be in the booth R (same booth with Kamicinta). Jadi yuuukk merapat ke Sutos Surabaya! Guest starnya ada Sore lohhh...kyaaa ♥♥♥

Hmm..what else? Yah segini aja deh.. Habis gini pengen nonton When Harry Meet Sally nih (iyah saya tau, itu jadul banget). Benernya pengen nonton bareng papi Cibon...tapi terakhir kali nonton drama bareng-bareng doski tidur.. Jadi daripada makan ati yaudahlah mending saya nonton sendiri aja.. cukuplah Papi Cibon jadi teman waktu nonton ototnya Jason Statham..

Sampai ketemu di tulisan berikutnya ya ceman-cemannn :* Ayo Cibon...pamitan dulu...

*Cibon dadah-dadah lewat udel* #abaikan

The Silent Birthday

Hubby took me to the nearest beach in my birthday morning. Cheered me a lil bit, I really appreciate the only-two-of us time. I hate to say this, but I swore to myself that I won't having that gloomy birthday again in the future. NEVER EVER. (just thinking about that already made me sad :'( )

I never ask for a gift, nor a party. But we didn't have birthday everyday, right? Am I asked to much if at least, I can choose with whom I want to be, where, and what I want to do only for a day? Despite having at least one of them, I trapped in the worst condition I could ever imagine I would have in my birthday. Even nobody seems care that (just forget the fact that it was my birthday, it was way too far..) I am a pregnant woman that need a peace, really need to take care what is inside my tummy and mind. Nobody.

Everything was not in order, people kept yelling, that was a HUGE CHAOS. I got a terrible headache, I guess I gonna EXPLODE. But then I found myself cry in two days row because even though I hate the condition, I couldn't change it. And that was a too heavy burden to be taken of in my current fragile condition. Then, where was my husband? Oh, you know how man can be such a pain in the ass? That how he was that time. Perfect timing, eh?

Gosh, I am crying while writing this. 

You know, there was time in my birthday when I think it may be a joke, that the condition will get better. Hubby took me somewhere else so we can enjoy our time...that it is just a huge thunderstorm before the rainbow... yeah sort of things. But I fooled myself. When the evening comes I know it was the most bitter end-closing/ birthday that ever exist. I got hurt and the recovery wasn't easy. But finally I found this win win solution; it is okay if I can't change the condition, but I will keep in my mind that I won't be there again in my special occasion. If you can't change it, at least you can deny it. Case closed.

( PS: I am writing this three weeks after the shit day..so just call me okay now. I love my husband but that didn't make me stop to get mad at him every time I remembered what was happened. Oh my poor baby..)

Welcoming December ♥

I know I have told you ton times that December is my favorite time of the year. But I don’t care, I will shout it once again; DECEMBER IS MY FAVORITE MONTH EVER!!! In December I have two birthday of special person in my life. First is my best friend Dila on 3rd (I almost forget! Not that I forget she had birthday on that day, but it’s more like I forget it was already December 3rd..) and my father on 24th (I don’t know will he be in Surabaya on the day or not. If so, maybe the whole family will have a dinner out or something like that). Beside that of course there is MY VERY OWN BIRTHDAY THAT WILL BE HAPPENED IN LAST DAY OF DECEMBER. Yes, in this 31st I will officially half century old. There were no any good about counting the number (hmpf) but just like every normal human, I am happy when the birthday is coming, whatever the reason is! Hehehe… Aannnddd last but not least, I WILL HAVE MY VERY FIRST WEDDING ANNIVERSARY IN 22ND!! YAYYYY!!! Oh my God, oh my God, I just can’t believe that time sure flies so faasssttt…especially if you enjoy every minute of it!

Well, since there are many special events this months, let me pick one that will be talked about today…hey, how about talking about my birthday first??? :D

I usually make a birthday wish list every year so it’s easy for everyone to decide which gift for me because it is feels fun. My boyfie (now my husband) used the list to throw a bday surprise gift for me in two years row so I know, it works for some people hehe… Last year I didn’t make any list since I was busy with wedding preparation but in the end of that December I was so happy that I got the best gift in my life so far; a hubby in my side. He woke up early to whisper ‘happy birthday, babe’ directly-no need telephone call now, managed to throw a birthday cake surprise-before his mom ruined it (accidentally), and we spent the rest of the night on the Cilacap to Surabaya bus, hugging each other, felt warm and blessed and of course full of happiness :’) I have no idea what will happen this year since I didn’t give him a decent celebration in his last birthday on June 19th…but let’s just have fun and make a list :D

♥ 25th Birthday Wishlist ♥

1.    Wild Flowers by Colour, Marjorie Blameys’s

I fell in love in an instant when I saw this book in @ayangcempaka instagram account. I have tried local Kinokuniya, Periplus, Aksara and other bookstores that my friends had recommend but still I can’t find this baby... Ayang said she bought in Kinokuniya, but I think not in Indonesia, eh?

2.    Scripts, Steven Heller and Louise Fili’s

I.love.scripts.font. Enough said. Found this amazing book via Instagram too, now via @cindydwianjani. Truly agree with the caption.

3.    Lots of cool (and cheap!) fabrics

My kind of fabrics now, its shabby! Courtesy of @mariananugroho

Some of you may know that now I am running a little business called The Darling outerwear and beyond (beside Dear Darla Crafthings that firstly launched). It is a fashion label where I provide comfy, darling-ready to wear clothes (and beyond) which is hijab friendly. Actually it is a half-idealistic project since I rarely found local brand that suits my need for both syar’i and fashionable outfit. And like everyone in this business, seeing beautiful fabric (and get it with best buy price) is truly a satisfaction!

4.   Bon Classy shoes

My love is the one with pink heart. I hope they still have my number (is it 36? or 37?? /#$@%)

I met this docmart specialist when I attended SYC creative market this early December. I tried the shoes and surprised in how light-weighing and comfy it is. All of the cutie pies made me confused so I chose to discuss it with my hubby first and back to their stand later. But unfortunately I was forget to back until the event ended :(
 
5.  Baby gear
I will give a birth soon. Even we still don’t know about our baby’s gender, but things with neutral colors sure are kind of nice (and helpful gift) now hehehe..


6. Something pretty to fill my little home (soon)

All from their instagram account

I love the eclectic green couch and table.. I think the initial coffee table is absolutely gorgeous... And who can resist the beauties of shabby pillow! 

6.   Knick knacks or any illustration books
It is my all-time birthday gift. I will never resist it. Truly a major love. (Clues: now I am in vintage and shabby mood. But I never lost my lust for eclectic and bold patterns!)


Well, that’s it. I don’t have much wishlist this year. To be honest, one thing that I really would love to have/do is become a better person. I know it is the biggest cliche ever... but still and all, that is the humblest yet sometimes hardest thing to do, eh? :)


I'll be around soon, loveliest! ♥


PS: I am now on my way to 6 months pregnancy. Happy, I am almost teary :')

No Regret

Hello dude, and dudettes (thanks to Cassandra Niki for inspire this hello x )

Time flies and suddenly here we are, heading to the end of July. Wow.

Where have I been? Well, my computer is still in the service center and the phone signal here is lameee so I can't manage to blog. So it's not the cliche like I mostly give to you heheh..

First of all, Ramadan Kareem! May we all experiencing the joyful of Ramadan, and this holy month become the best Ramadan we have ever! Amin!

Gosh, I miss writing so so much!!

My day is busy like I have anticipated; never guessed that I still have to deal with the routines, now I have a pile of household to do (domestic helper, please). Ya, ya, ya, still the old song. And I become busier with my new fashion line The Darling; more bazaar is in the line so I try to keep my rack full of outerwear and shawl stock. And don't forget the oldest sister, DearDarla Craft. I hope I can launch a big collection right before Eid Mubarak. Anyway, have you follow their Instagram? It's 'deardarlacraft', thank you! x

In the other side, I was thinking that the main reason why it feels like time flies so damn fast its because I enjoy ever moment of it. My marriage was great! People keep saying that it just the newlywed euphoria, but it's almost seven months and I grow fonder to him! We still giggling together, cuddling to sleep, and he hug and kiss my forehead more everyday. Of course we argue, oh we argue a lot. Sometimes I yelled and scold, but it's okay... I guess the healthy relationship based on honesty. I can complain his flaws but I can't deny that beside all of it, he is still the man that I want to live with, to spend my single day, even the single bit of it until death tear us apart. I know I will never regret the day I agree to be his partner of life.

Ah, talking about regret make me remember what happened in previous day.

I was seeing my colleagues photos. Some of them were gained scholarship to take master degree abroad. I was so mesmerized looking at their beautiful photos which capture the beauty of -most of it- Europe.
Casually I said that I feel speechless seeing them. I said it may because, deep inside, I always have dream to study abroad like them. That words was spontaneously popped of my mouth, I have no any particular intentions saying those things. But, my husband, half-joking, was questioning whether I regret marrying him that fast instead of continue my study like them. I was so freaking panic that I hurt him or what so I tried to convincing him that was not the point. And that's the truth.

If I saw my friends pursue their study, at first it taste bitter since I have no idea when will I take my master degree. I know if I continue to look up them, I will ended nowhere but complaining. People said your neighbor grass always look greener. So I try to count my blessing; I may not have win any scholarship abroad, but look at me now, I have house full of love with loving husband in it; I may not having a chance to visit Europe now, but I believe someday I will go there, and I don't have to worry about who will accompany me since I have someone to holds hand now...teeheee. Everytime I think about the future possibilities, I laugh for my silly jealousy before. Afterall, it just a matter of time for people who try, right?

Anyway..it's almost my work time so I guess I should stop from here. Enjoy your Ramadan, peeps!

xxx
 

Heart and Ego

Akhir-akhir ini saya sedang pusing. Entah kenapa semua deadline ngumpul di bulan mei. Mulai dari bazaar yang seharusnya diadakan bulan April, molor sampai awal Mei. Lalu ada sebuah proyek majalah yang ternyata ketambahan beberapa tugas (yang tak bisa saya tolak in the name of friendship. Mudah-mudahan deadline-nya bisa dimolorin jg, iya nggak, fi? :p). Belum lagi tugas bikin kemasan dari seseorang yang padanya saya berutang budi sangat banyak, dengan kata lain: tidak boleh diremehkan. Itu semua jatuh pada minggu yang sama, semua di awal Mei. Why oh why.

Jikalau saya adalah seorang robot, rasanya mungkin-mungkin saja semua dikerjakan. Tetapi memang saya cuma manusia yang bisa lelah fisik dan pikiran, moody, dan sudah punya suami. Ini lagi satu hal yang memberatkan saya.

Saya sangat beruntung dikaruniai seorang suami yang sangat supportif, bahkan sejak awal berkomitmen ,terlebih setelah menikah ia tak henti-hentinya mengingatkan bahwa saya tidak boleh berhenti berkarya. Jangan sampai saya hanya menjadi ibu rumah tangga biasa yang diam nonton infotainment di rumah sambil menunggu suami pulang kerja. Bersyukurnya, setelah menikah rezeki semakin mengalir. Mulai dari proyek yang kecil-kecil sampai yang skalanya lumayan, semuanya membuat saya tetap sibuk. Namun memang belakangan saya mulai agak gagap mengatur waktu.

Jikalau saya masih single, bekerja seharian dan semalaman, sampai lupa makan, begadang, mungkin tidak apa-apa. Tapi sekarang, hati saya akan teriris kalau melihat suami terpaksa sering-sering makan di luar. Apalagi kalau alasannya karena saya tidak sempat masak karena mengejar deadline. Duh :(

Saya jadi berpikir... buat apakah semua ini. Apakah yang sudah saya lakukan benar? Apakah dengan terus berkarya memang berarti saya telah mendayagunakan waktu saya dengan baik, ataukah ini cuma sekedar ego agar tak dianggap ibu rumah tangga biasa? Bisa kok saya hidup tanpa bekerja, atau bekerja nyantai, toh kewajiban menafkahi memang dari suami dan suami lebih dari mampu untuk melakukan itu. Saat tugas menumpuk, saya berniat begadang, bahkan kalaupun suami memberi izin, saya belum pernah melakukannya. Melihat wajah suami yang tidur pulas saya jadi kepikiran, gimana kalau begadang trus jadi kesiangan dan nggak bisa bikin sraapan? Akhirnya saya pun ikut tidur juga walaupun tidak tenang (dan besoknya, saya jadi makin stres karena deadline).

Ketika asyik bekerja di depan komputer, ego memaksa saya untuk gas pol sampai maghrib. Akan tetapi kalau jarum jam sudah nangkring di angka empat, saya sudah mulai gelisah karena seharusnya saya sudah di dapur untuk memasak makan malam. 

Confession of the stay-at-home-but-working-wife.

Dan pada akhirnya saya harus menekan ego, harus menutup telinga dan pandangan yang saya kira saya terima dari orang lain. Mungkin memang ada kalanya saya harus ingat bahwa tugas utama seorang istri adalah melayani suami dan mendidik anak. Tidak disebutkan bekerja demi aktualisasi diri di sana. Saya harus mendengarkan hati kecil yang meronta-ronta kalau melihat suami makan telor dadar dobel, karena saya sedang tidak bisa berpikir dan tidak punya waktu untuk memasak a decent breakfast.

Atau, memang tubuh dan pikiran ini yang harus dipaksa bekerja lebih keras supaya semua senang.

Saya juga jadi ingat bahwa Kamis ini harus presentasi bedah buku yang materinya sama sekali belum saya baca. Saya harus presentasi di depan mereka yang ilmunya jauh di atas saya dan saya kira bunuh diri namanya kalau tidak mempersiapkan sebaik-sebaiknya...

Sementara itu... hafalan masih tersendat di Yasin: 15. Ya Allah bukakan selubung yang menghalangi ilmu masuk ke pikiranku...

Ya Allah berikan hamba kekuatan, untuk menejerial waktu yang lebih baik, untuk tenaga yang lebih, untuk waktu tidur yang lebih singkat, untuk tidak mengecewakan orang-orang yang sudah memberikan kepercayaan pada saya... Amin ya Rabbal Alamin...

hasbunallah wa ni'mal wakil ni'mal maula wa ni'mal wakil

Satu yang pasti: bulan depan saya sudah harus punya pembantu rumah tangga!

Grumb and Recom

I don't fully recommend any of my wedding vendors except decoration vendor, which was worked almost perfectly and the result was beyond expectation. The other vendors, some were made my mind extremely exhausted in before, the day and after party, some were overpriced for that kind of so-so-more-to-bad service, and the rest I wasn't satisfied with their result (unlike what they had promised before).

Oh, beside decoration from Mitro Decoration, I also love the work of the music entertainment Alkahfinita. People keep saying it was so good even I was busy in the stage and didn't really pay attention to them (the only song I heard was Barakallah, played when the bride and groom enter the venue. And gosh, it gave me goosebumps, really!).
Both of the vendors work very good in the D-day, and the before-after party service was good as well. That's what I call professional :) I hope my wedding made a big promotion for them!

And of course, I also love my akad kebaya and feathery pen-bouquet since I designed it by myself heheheh...

The Unwell-Wife Drama

Dear readers... will be using Indonesian again. I hope it won't matters! ( I'll write in English as soon as possible, kay?)
Oh, I guess, I'll skip the I-am-sorry-I-was-busy-for-the-past-two-months since you probably bored hearing it... And afterall, you will still read, right? :p *GR tingkat dewa*

Ini adalah hari kelima saya dalam masa penyembuhan sakit. Jadi ceritanya, mulai Jumat kemarin saya didera sakit 'gado-gado' yang nggak jelas asal muasalnya dan sukses banget bikin saya bedrest sampai hari Senin kemarin. Sukses juga bikin saya lepas dari kerjaan rumah tangga...

Ehh bukannya seneng lho ya...
Dikit sih... Hehehe...
Tapi tetep aja milih sehat dan nyetrika segebok daripada sakit kayak begini...
Eh lebih milih sehat dan suami yang nyetrikan baju ding, hehehe... *sabar ya mi, suami... muah!*

Jadi begini awalnya... Hari Jumat seperti biasa saya nganter suami sampai di depan perumahan, which is tempat bus kerja menjemput. Begitu pulang saya juga masih tuh sempet ngegodain anak tetangga dan ngobrol-ngobrol sama ibunya. Kelar haha hihi saya masuk rumah. Masih belum ada yang aneh...

Eh kok pengen nyemil... saya nyemil tuh keripik usus yg dibawain ibu saya (iya saya tau cemilan saya ndeso banget, gak sehat pisan. Maklum dari hutan..). Habis ngemil aduh kok terasa serik di tenggorokan, tumben... Saya abaikan trus keluar ngambil beberapa jemuran. Balik ke rumah ini nih mulai aneh... jadi ya, pernah pada liat iklan Mizone gak? Jadi di iklan Mizone yangg terbaru kan orangnya jalannya miring tuh karena kurang elektrolit ceritanya... Nah itu juga yang saya alami! Ih kok perasaan jalan gue miring ya? Tapi begitu saya nyoba jalan tegak ga bisa. Udah deh itu jemuran saya lempar aja ke pojok kamar trus saya ngedoprok di kasur...Niatnya cuma mau bobok bentar... eh ndilalahnya sampai dua jam kemudian saya bangun badan malah jadi meriang dan demam. Tenggorokan juga jadi sakiit banget. Udah deh saya wasap si suami dan menye-menye laporan kalo istrinya yang imut ini sakit. Tentu saja suami saya setuju kalau saya harus bed rest... kalau soal imut saya yakin dia juga setuju sih... #abaikan

Singkatnya, seharian saya gak produktif blas karena gak bisa makan, gak ada yg bisa disuruh nyuapin, makanan rumah bikin ga selera, ga ada delivery sushi lagi (MENURUT NGANA? Ini Tuban yak!). Jadi cuma bisa minum susu kotak, ambil air mineral gelas, ke kamar mandi, ngedoprok lagi... Asli dah belum pernah sakit sampe komplikasi kayak gitu.

Dan begitu suami datang maghribnya...uuu...the drama dimulai.
Suami Saya yang Sekarang Potongan Rambutnya Mirip Kim Jong-Il (SSySPRMKJI):
Sayangg...kamu kenapa sayangg...
Istri yang Imut dan Berbakti dan Solehah Pokoknya yang Baik-baik Aja (IyIdBdSPyBBA):
 Huu sakit bii lemes biii *sekalian memanfaatkan keadaan untuk manja mode: on*
SSySPRMKJI: Mana sayang yang sakit...aduhh badanmu panas..kecapean ini palingg
IyIdBdSPyBBA: Huhu...ini bii kepalanya yangg samping sama belakang pusinggg
SSySPRMKJI: Hmmm...kamu stres ya sayangg *cek ke dokter apakah hipotesis suami ini ngasal ato benar*
IyIdBdSPyBBA: Ini biii sama tenggorokannya sakitt
SSySPRMKJI: *kaget* jangan-jangan kamu hamil??
IyIdBdSPyBBA: *langsung turn off*

Walaupun sakit otak saya masih bekerja juga... Menurut ngana sejak kapan radang tenggorokan jadi pertanda orang hamil???

IyIdBdSPyBBA: *mencoba memperbaiki suasana yangg sempat diliputi aura kemanjaan* Biii aku pengen rajungan *jadi ceritanya dari kemarin-kemarin kepengen makan rajungan tapi belum keturutan karena suami pulangnya kemalaman*
SSySPRMKJI: Ihh lucu yaa ngidamnya rajungan..
IyIdBdSPyBBA: *memutuskan sudah waktunya tidur lagi*


Ya udahlah ya...
*jadi kepikiran beneran hamil apa nggak :O*

Nah ya... jadi hari Jumat praktis seharian saya gak ngapa-ngapain tuh rumah. Padahal cucian baju segembreng karena jadwal nyuci adalah Selasa Jumat. Trus jemuran dari hari Selasa juga pada belum disetrika, numpuk sama cucian bersih lain yangg belum sempet dilipet dan disetrika karena habis ditinggal kami ke luar kota. Plus cucian piring yang belum sempat saya cuci paginya karena keburu nganter suami kerja. Plus rumah yang belum disapu dan dipel. Plus gelas air mineral dan kotak susu yang bertebaran di mana-mana, gara-gara habis kelar minum saya lempar gitu aja. Itu semua yang menyambut suami pulang kerja. Bayangin aja capek langsung disuguhi begitu... Untungnya suami gak komen apa-apa dan lebih fokus pada kesehatan istrinya *ceileh*. Malam itu akhirnya saya bener-bener dirawat suami... dibeliin bakso, jus jambu...disuapin..dikompres...dan yang paling disuka tentu karena intensitas disayang-sayangnya jadi meningkat ratusan persen XD. Suami terus bilang "Mi jangan sakit mii...abi sedihlah kalo mi sakit...mi makanya makan yang banyak dong" sambil peluk-peluk, nge-sun, dan ngusap-ngusap kepala :') hihihi...jangan ngiri yaa... #TyzhaCakitJadiButuhTatihTayang :')

Hari Sabtu paginya demam udah turun tapi badan masih meriang. Akhirnya gak mandi dulu. Si suami pagi-pagi udah siap karena istrinya yang manja dan rewelnya meningkat jutaaan kali lipat ini merengek terus minta dibelikan susu ultra kotak yang persediaannya abis dan lupa dibeliin si suami malamnya. Nah karena istri sakit, gak ada yang masak, akhirnya sarapan niatnya beli juga. Belinya di warung langganan kita yang enak banget. Karena tadi malam nyaris gak makan dan perutnya mulai kerucukan, si istri semangat banget request menu bali daging.

Begitu suami pulang dari beli sarapan, drama kesekian dimulai...

Saya: *buka bungkus* Lho kok aku beginii...aku kan minta gak pake sayurr..
Suami: Gak papa, biar mi ada sayurnya *ikut buka bungkusannya yang menunya sama-nasi rames-cuma lauknya bali ayam*
Saya: *meneliti punya sendiri yang isinya kotak-kotak tapi gak keliatan kayak daging* Lho aku kan nitipnya bali dagiiinggg
Suami:*mencium adanya bahaya* Yaudah-yaudah abi belikan lagi yaa
Saya: *tercabik antara gak tega nyuruh suami balik lagi tapi agak ilfeel juga sama makanannya* Ga usah!! *nyoba makan...ngerasain si kotak-kotak...yang gak kerasa kayak daging-ternyata tahu* Coba ini masa daging?!
Suami: *nyoba trus diemmmm...trus tiba-tiba nunjuk* Eh ini ada dagingnya!! *nunjuk satu biji kotakan daging yang kayaknya daging alot. Cuma sebiji doang itu dagingnya!*
Saya: Hmmmmhhhhhh!!! *muka memerah*
Suami: Yauda-yaudah ga usah dimakan, kasi orang aja ya...abi belikan lagi yaa...--> ngerti banget tanda-tanda kiamat dunia mau mulai
Saya: *masih tercabik antara ilfil tapi gak tega nyuruh suami balik* GAK USAHH!!! *akhirnya nyoba makan. Sesendok..dua sendok..tiga sendok..* UDAH!!! *ngambil tempe gorengnya doang sama susu trus ngeloyor ke kamar*

Habis suami kelar makan, dihampirilah istrinya yang lagi tiduran sambil merem.
Suami: Udah kenyang apa?
Saya: Belum!
Suami: Dibelikan bali daging ya?
Saya: Nggak! *berbalik munggungin suami*

Hening beberapa saat. Si suami mungkin bingung juga nih ngadepin istrinya... Sampai si istri yang sebenernya masih mangkel ini pertahanannya jebol juga
Saya: AKU KAN TADI MINTA BALI DAGING TAPI KOK DIBELIKANNYA ITU. HUWAAAA~ --> nangis kejer

Asli suami gerakannya lebih cepet dari orang yang kebelet pup. Langsung berdiri tegak doski, trus bilang:

Suami: Yaudah aku belikan sekarang!
Saya: TELAT!! --> masih aja gengsi -_-"
Suami: Gak papa telat!

Detik berikutnya pintu rumah udah kebuka dan suara motor suami kedengaran keluar dari garasi..
Saya terus nerusin nangis di kamar sampai bantal basah kena ingus air mata. Ampun dah...

Dan si bali daging tuh akhirnya gak langsung dimakan dong... Berhubung habis nangis dan minum susu, si istri jadi kenyang. Akhirnya tuh bali dimakan buat makan siang.

Kalau ada pembenaran mungkin besok harinya... Nah ternyata saya kedatangan tamu bulanan.. Pantes aja tingkahnya jadi ajaib gitu... PMS rupanya... *sekalian konfirmasi ini berarti belum hamil hehe...*

Oh ya.. karena sakit itu saya jadi membatalkan kunjungan rutin saya ke Surabaya.. Padahal ada dua bazaar yang sejatinya bisa saya lakoni. In a good side, kami suami jadi punya waktu buat membersihkan rumah. Nyuci piring, nyapu, ngepel, cuci baju, setrika... dikerjain semua hehe... Makasih ya sayangg ♥ Jadi proses penyembuhan saya pun bisa lebih maksimal karena nggak kepikiran tanggungan rumah tangga lagi :)

Yah begitu sih salah satu kejaiban pasangan baru ini...
Kadang saya mikir, how can I be so rude to my husband? And demanding, fussy, et cetera... But he still there, beside me, hugging me, every time I wake up... So I guess, it's fine for him.. There are times when I reach my temper and messed up... But I manage to make the best of me in most of the time... So you see...it work for us. We argue, then we make up. Everything will be okay in the end. I think that's how love is. How much you angry, feeling mad to someone, in the end of the day you will just comeback to them. Because you want to, and you need to. Because you love to :')


Babbles :p

Oya, si suami keukeuh lho bilang doski udah mesen bali daging...jadi mungkin si mbak di warung yang salah... Just fyi aja sih...

Btw bosen gak baca tulisan tanpa foto? Hehehe...*lagi males ngedit foto* #TyzhaMacihAtit :'(


Well.. I'll keep trying to hang on here as much as possible...
Don't get bored with me!
Stay young, stay positive people! ♥

February Wrap

Sorry (again!) for the long hiatus peeps! OMG I can't believe that today is the end of February already...Pheww...

Life is busy, being a housewife is the BEST thing happened in my life so far. I really enjoy wake up early, preparing hubby clothes, cooking him breakfast/ dinner...(this list will go on...) but most of all I was grateful to do prayers together with him. Especially in Maghrib and Isya, we manage to do it with others in nearest mosque and it was really heartwarming and peaceful.  Such a food for soul :') (not to mention that he looks uber handsome with baju koko :p)

Well then, so where I have been outside homework thingy? Dear Darla is the answer :) Some of you may have known that I have a brainchild/ new toys (haha) that I called Dear Darla Crafthings. Now this baby is started crawling and I am busy following her! Trials and errors happened of course... but she learn very quickly! She first started with brooches but now you also can find headbands, necklace (sort of accessories), shawl and (very soon, dear, very soon) clothes too! So yes, I am pretty busy since I am new and alone in this thing, but I have very much fun here :) Oh please go to this link to be friend with her and say hi too to her blog! :)

So that is, reason why I just ended with two post this month? Actually no...the real answer is my babe is gone... He went for business trip for about three weeks and I am still struggling in the last one week. I really can feel  Diana Rikasari's feeling when her S is gone; I feel so empty  and I can do right for almost everything. Yes, I become so dependent on him and can't find another way to feel better beside ask him to back home as soon as possible :( I tried to keep myself busy of course, since they say when you are busy you forget the time...well, I am still working for it...


Well, enough then for the babbling! Tomorrow is March, yes? New month, new spirit, people! Keep productive, stay happy! Smooch!

What a 'What??' Wedding Gift

So guys, married almost two months doesn't make you free from wedding stuff ya bok...*sayup-sayup kedengaran "MANA POSTINGAN KAWINNYA, WOY!* *abaikan* nah berhubung foto-foto kewong masih males gue editin dalam proses pengeditan, nah sekarang gue mau cerita-cerita 17 tahun ke atas lucu seputar serba serbi kewong kemarin.

Nah yaa..yang namanya kawinan kan gak lengkap ya bo tanpa wedding gift. Yah bukannya ngarep, serius nggak, yang penting tamu-tamu hadir aja dan doanya yang penting... tp ya kalo dikasih mah kita bersyukur *iyalah masak dapet rejeki gak bersyukur* And I have to say thank you for all the wedding gifts dan amplopns, seriously you don't have to do that, but thank you! Wedding gift ini jadi penolong banget terutama karena seminggu abis nikah gue langsung diboyong cuami pindah ke kota lain. Yaelah dalam seminggu itu bisa apa sih bok, boro-boro mikir perabotan buat di sana, baju-baju gaul aja belum kelar dipak! Jadii...hari-hari awal pindahan kita emang gantungin banget ama wedding gift ini yang udah dengan baik hati dipak si mamah dalam kardus besar sesuai jenisnya... Kompor gas, magic jar, frying pan, dishware, bedcover, you name it lah, semuanya hasil sumbangan karena si cuami estri baru ini belum sempat belanji-belanji hihi... And kepake semua! Jadi thanks again, Insya Allah barangnya manfaat semua dan jadi amal :')

Tapi yah... sungguh tidak semua kado membuat kami langsung tersenyum atau mbrebes mili terharu. Ada juga yang bikin kami mengucap istighfar! Istighfarnya sekali doang tapi, terus dilanjutin alhamdulillah banyak-banyak haha #lho Kado apakah itu? Ya tau sendirilah... Gak tau? Yaudah kawin dulu tar tau sendiri... #pelit

Oya... selain jenis kado di atas ada juga lohh jenis kado yang mengharu biru... Ini nih salah satu penampakannya...

Jadi ini teh kado dari temennya cuami di Kopma Dr Angka. Note-nya sungguh menyentuh... membuat saya berpikir... INI ASLI BIKIN APA KOPAS YAK? *mohon konfirmasi*

Habis terharu baca note di atas *eh sumpah beneran bagus :')* kamipun beralih ke box yang berisi kado dari sang empunya note. Dan kadonya adalah...#jrengjreng

Ampun yak. Gak kebayang habis baca note begitu ternyata kadonya beginian! Yang merah itu buat saya..*make me feel like a bitch..*  Nah yang satunya buat cuami... Katanya sih patung Gatotkaca...Tapi bukankah jamu kuat itu KukuBima??#apadeh

Sungguh saya hanya mampu istighfar dengan wajah bersemu merah ckck... Tapiii ternyata kadonya tak hanya itu sodara-sodara! Ada lagi!

Tau kan yang mana buat saya mana yang buat suami? #ngelusdada #yangdatar #ehhhh

kalau belum ngeh juga...ini yang buat saya...*istighfar*

*istighfar lagi* *personal message for cuami* *mengamini* #lah

Saya sih cuma bisa berdoa 'Ya Allah maafkanlah kelakuan hamba-hambaMu ini... Sesungguhnya mereka tiada maksud lain selain menyenangkan hati pengantin baru becanda' hehe... Sungguh kelakuan anak jaman sekarang yaa...ckckck... Semoga dosa kalian diampuni naakkk...

Habis kado edan-edanan ini masih ada lagi kado selanjutnya... Untungnya kado selanjutnya normal...alhamdulillahhh *sembah syukur* *segera menyembunyikan kado 'ajaib' dari penglihatan ortu, mertua dan sodara-sodara* Asli niat banget anak-anak Kopma yak pada beli buah-buahan di mana tuh? Dicopot pisang ama durennya doang lagi... *mikir mungkin kawin berikutnya ada yang dikado nanas sama manggis (?)*

Yah gitu lah bok salah satu serba-serbi nikahan. Sebenernya banyak banget yang undercover nih, tapi harus tetep kena sensoran juga. Iyalah sekarang aib suami aib gue juga. Kalo cuma aib gue mah, gue sebar-sebar aja... #ngawur
Sekarang berdoa aja supaya gak males-males buat ngedit foto dari fotografer ya... Setelah proses panjang yang berdarah-darah milihin foto *22 GB bok* sekarang saatnya diedit... Aslinya sih udah ciamik, cuma kalau diperhatikan kan foto-foto eke di blog tone-nya selau blue-ish jadi biar tetep mecing yaudin harus pake personal editing juga deh... Mudahan malesnya gak lama-lama yaww...

I'll see you soon, lads!

In A Month

*all pics were gathered from Google*

I am going married in a month.

The stress still remain but I managed it pretty well.

Although I won't be a party pooper, I think a bit of wedding moodboard won't harm anyone!

Broken white is my eternal love. And I always looking forward to the touch of gold. 

Well, the result won't be exactly like the pics above, talking about cost... But no one as curious as me to see how my wedding turns out! :D

♥

When Your Heart Get Burned

Two months before my wedding. I never feel so lonely like today. In this kinda time, I just wanna go home and see my loved ones. But I have tons of wed's stuff here and I am starting up again my accessories line so... let's face it.

I am not complaining and I am not the one who intend to. I am just human who know, exactly, that life has its ups and downs, but still crying when they hit the rocks. Well, humans.

So, some kind which running in my head in these past few days:

1. I become more skeptic in specific area. Wow, I think I am already in top of it but... bang! I become more. Not a good thing, eh?
2. Nothing can beat family bound. Not your friends, b/g friend, or anyone. Family is the one who make you strong. They are place where you can go back after a long tiring journey. Or a place you can visit anytime, sunny or rainy days. I am forever grateful I got a very good one here *oh no, I am teary*
3. I guess I push myself too hard these days. In old days, I used to cry silently in my room when I got a problem. Nobody ever think I was such a person. Because after crying I would feel so much better so I can put my what-are-you-looking-at face right after I out from my room. It's relaxing somehow, like transferring the negative emotion out from your body. But nowadays, I didn't feel like I can cry even my heart hurts so baaad... So in the entire week I am feeling weak, having headache, and feeling like my chest get burned and can explode anytime. I think I was hurt for no reason. Or the reason was too simple. But some people just made it worse but I didn't know who the one I should blame, so I blamed myself first in the end...
4. For the first time, I am afraid that I will be weak to death. Lost my appetite again. Well, I always have it when I get a problem. But nowadays, when I supposed to be happy counting days to the wedding? Come on, Missus...
5. I am not sure am I worth it. I am feeling like full of sin, I am so ashamed of myself. I don't know if there is a chance or time to fix it. I just can hope that God will always love me and forgive me and never tired to give me another, another and another chance. Amin.

That's all... Oh my current favo quote is "if you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail". I don't know who's the exact author, but I heard it thousand times from my friend Fajjar Nugraha. And I guess I am gonna love (and need) it more these days!
And another random tips for you girls... Please, please respect yourself. Your body, your mind, your way of thinking... everything that's in you. Never ever give anyone chance to look down on you. Believe me, I heard about it a lot.


Even I am so blue but it won't stop me for giving y'all a kiss! Thank you for reading!♥
xoxo

What to Sing?

Woke up this morning with a lil hang in my head, then jumped out in front of PC monitor to go online. Why such in a rush? Well, I planned to manage my wedding song list...
Even so, I didn't expect it will bu turn out this hard; I mean, geez, it is almost two hours and minutes ago I still confused between Everyday I Love You by Boyzone or Nothings Gonna Change My Love for You by George Benson (anyway, Mr Benson won)! I was only allowed to pick 20 songs and was sunk between nowadays hits, my 90's music taste, and classics wedding songs...

The manager of my wedding's music entertainment said they tend to create particular atmosphere in my wedding, based on my personal option. I know what she was talking about; one of my friend created a wedding songlist that contained kind of songs you heard in a lounge. You know, kind which make you humming and shaking legs. Not enough to make you sing, only humming or shaking legs. Or only enjoy it.
I knoooww it is maybe good, talking about the harmony, one  theme, et cetera et cetera... but I realized I just want to hear songs that I love yet reflect my love story in my wedding *duh!*. And turned out it was a really a random list; what on earth Maher Zein will meet up with N'Sync, I asked you...

Well afterall the list finally had been made, I just need to hear what the manager said later. Oh, have I told you that I am damn nervous nowadays? Before my graduation, everything about wedding seems so far away... But today, I almost got a heart attack when realized we are going to the end of September!!! I got the bride-to-be blues yesterday when I found out the invitation was not exactly made like I expected. And the printing shop forgot to add the how-to-go-to-the-venue route... Thank's God, it's still early. We still have the time to fix it *exhale*

See, I am babbling around again. Please stay with me, at least until December :p See you soon!
xoxo

Diary of a Mad Bride

Three months to go to the wedding... I am torn between panic-stress out and excited-full of happiness... (Yay, I'm gonna be a wife so soon! Oh, wait, I hope the invitations turn out good... oh my, oh my...*headache*)

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You know, back then when I was in a junior high school, I started reading chic literature. Well, yes, a bit mature for my age... but we're not talking about that now...
Among all those novels I had read, there was one that pretty special, that special so I got inspired by the tittle to use it as my blog's name. The novel was Diary of a Mad Bride by Laura Wolf.

images from here

Amy always wonders why marriages make her girlfriends degenerate into crazy, self-absorbed psychos. Well, when her boyfriend Stephen proposes, she tells herself that she is above the hysteria. She will do this planning rationally. 
Oh yes, ma'am, R-A-T-I-O-N-A-L-L-Y.

Of course, the plans will soon spiral out of control. Amy's 20-itemed to-do-list soon ballooned to a 39-itemed list and later, mercy, 70 items. She can't find a location. Her Granny may be sabotaging her coming wedding. And what a time to discover that your parents favor your sister over you. Catering! Why is everything so darned expensive and why wouldn't the parents dole out more cash? Do they think that Amy and Stephen produce money from their toilet bowl sessions? AND WHERE ARE THE DAMNED *&^%ING SHOES?

copied from here

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I hadn't been proposed nor met my soulmate, I was just a teenage that still wearing braces that time. But I remember giggling all the time I read Amy's story. Her way of thinking, the ups and down in preparing the wedding; how she deals with vendors, her family and friends, and Stephen; the demand to be the the perfect bride... even her crazy times to find the perfect wedding shoes. I agree with Goodreads, it was a riotously funny novel, but more than that, it was a sweet, tender love story. And the best? We saw it in our lives.

I am thinking about the novel more these times among my wedding preparation. When I found myself fussy about the invitation design so long, I remember Amy's wedding shoes finding. Actually it can be done in very simple way; we just need to choose it and accept it. Don't worry too much. But that's the distraction, and every bride has their own. 

As a Javanese (or I may said Indonesians), we live with a high demand from the society. We are care, or too care with people may think about us. My mom and I was stressed out enough thinking what will be this wedding turns out; will it be okay? Will the guests are satisfied? Will the guests are all happy? And so on. Later she can take it very well and just focusing to what to do and let God do the rest- that's what she said. But me? Sometimes I am still worrying about the day. But then I remembered Amy's feeling when she walk into the aisle; it's just a grand event but the life after marriage that's important.

There's no bride (and wedding) without all the hysteria, even it was a little. But I try my best to enjoy the process and keep in mind that later, after the wedding, I will make a fun about these days. Weeks ago I had 80:20 of stress and excitement. Few days ago I had 50:50. Today, after the invitation design had been sent to the printing house, I found almost none of the stress left :) So I guess, I am already going through the worst. Three months left, finally I can think about the honeymoon (whaat? haha...).

Then see you!

 xoxo

P.S. : The Diary of a Mad Bride has its sequel! The Diary of a Mad Mom-to-be. It has been quite time since it was published... I guess I'll have a copy in near time :)

P.S.S: My man once asked me whether I'll change my blog's name into Diary of a Mad Mom after I get married. My response is 'Euh!' Is it mean that I should change into Diary of a Mad Grandmother soon I have a grandchild??

It Makes Us Human

I have just realized that this Ramadhan is way much different that I have been facing years before. One thing  which make it different is the fact that (Insha Allah) it is my last Ramadhan in 'single' status. I will be married next December and will spent Ramadhan ahead with my husband. Aminnnn :) It was also my last Ramadhan with student status since I will be officially graduated next September then spent my days as working-from-home-mom. Aminnnn... again :) Time flies, eh? :)

I never enough thank Allah for giving me this beautiful life. I wasn't born in a rich family, I see my dad working hard to achieve what he have now. My mom, is a 7 to 4 working mom who still can cook for her family everyday. She always wake up before morning time pray and sleep at last. Life teach me that nothing instant. That every success that matter, is something that done by hard work. 

I was working head over heels in my Final Project. I onced dreaming it will be my masterpiece. I got enough compliment in the start, well, I think at least I did it good. But almost in the end, someone told me that it was a shitty work. It hurt me that moment, and I can't think nothing else than how people can be so rude to others. I feels down. But now I see. Allah is very kind. He want to teach me something even in the very last time. No matter how hard you have try, not everyone will undertand the process. Some people always stick to what they see. In the other hand, there's also people who using critics to burn your feelings, to make you set a higher and higher standard for yourself. Cause they know you can do better than this. Sometimes just we need to dig deeper to find their true intentions :)

In the end, I learn something again. That it was no matter what people said, its you, yourself that fully understand about. And why we should cares who others think about us? It just a pity problem that will be facing in human lives. We just need to try to understand the context, take a lesson from it, then continue our lives. With same smile, same spirit :) Just take the positiveness and laughing over the negativity, we have much issue to solve than this, rite? What hurt us but doesn't kill us, will make us stronger :)

Have a good day! :)

The 'It' Issue

I've been release my breath for a while since I almost done with my Final Project. Yeah, almost, since the score hasn't been out. For a while because I was soon started become busy as a bee preparing my big day that will be held this year, Insha Allah :). It's a tough job, since I am a perfectionist and sometimes a control freak (euh), but same as my Final Project, it's the path that I have chosen by my own and I promised to myself that I'll be enjoy it, every single bit :)

More or less, I've been inspired by Mbak Anggi in her blog, www.lovejournal.widjanarti.com which she shared her wedding preparation, in detail, if I may add. I found the blog is very helpful and I learn a lot of tips from her about how to choose the right vendor, deal with them, matching between our wishes and budget (this won't be a problem if you have unlimited budget hehe..) et cetera et cetera. But one thing that touch my heart the most is how we are connected. How in this era, I've been feeling very thankful to the internet to let us shared the same feeling; enthusiasm, worries; facing our big day. I never know Mbak Anggi in real life, and so I think about most of her readers, but reading her stories made me feel that I have a friend who I can learn on from her experience. Ah, thank's to internet founder :)

And for that, I was thinking about the idea of sharing my wedding preparation process. I found Mbak Anggi's blog is really helpful for a bride-to-be like me (and yous, maybe) and I turned out with the idea that I wanna help others, ones like me, who lives in this century when you hope you can get almost answers by googling, or simply the ones who are too busy, or perfectionist,who hope themselves can hear all the reviews before choosing any vendor, for example. I wanna help others, like what Mbak Anggi's blog have done to me :)

But still, I need to compile all my courages to write sort of it... Because honestly wedding, despite all the babblings I have told you here or in real life, is still a big secret that part of my heart (maybe the biggest one) wanna keep it until the very end. Well, we see... Afterall I still can write such a review or post story instead of step by step diary :))

Oh yeah, just fyi Mbak Anggi is living in Jakarta. I found it's quite hard to find such a blog written by Surabayan blogger. I found one, not as detail as Mbak Anggi's, but still worth to click, own by Mbak Ocha who turned out my ex-junior in college eldest sister, Kiza. Now the thank you goes to Google :))

So...I guess I'll see you very soon. Kisses!

Flipped

I'm using bahasa Indonesia, peeps :)

Saya ingat tahun 2007 pertama kali saya menulis blog. Saya lupa tanggal dan bulan pastinya (saya belum mengecek di postingan pertama, mungkin sekitar Oktober 2007). Yang masih jelas teringat adalah alasan saya menulis blog. Salah seorang senior saya baik di jurusan maupun di ITS Online-lah yang membuat saya akhirnya mulai menulis diary online ini; Mas Ayos Purwoaji. Beliau terlebih dahulu menulis blog dan memprovokasi saya untuk menulis juga. Saat itu walaupun belum melihat blognya secara langsung, saya langsung tertarik dengan ide menulis diary secara online. Terlebih saat saya akhirnya melihat blog beliau, makinlah saya bersemangat untuk menulis blog.

Di awal-awal saya menulis Mas Ayos jugalah yang rajin memberi komen, se-cemen apapun postingan saya. Hal itu membuat saya terus menulis karena merasa ‘ada yang membaca tulisan saya’. Belakangan saya belajar bahwa cara Mas Ayos yang seperti itulah yang membuat saya tidak mutung menulis di awal-awal. Pada saat yang krusial, beliau memberikan pondasi yang kuat pada saya agar terus menulis.
Di kemudian hari Mas Ayos semakin jarang memberikan komen, tetapi pada saat itu saya sudah sampai fase di mana saya menulis bukan untuk dibaca orang lain, tetapi lebih ke pemenuhan kebutuhan batin *tsahh...* Namun bantuan Mas Ayos di masa-masa awal itu tidak akan saya lupa :') Makaci eaaa Mas Ayos..:D

Awal menulis saya menulis menggunakan bahasa Indonesia. Kemudian samapai pada suatu titik saya mulai membaca blog mereka yang berbahasa Inggris. Blog-blog awal yang saya baca antara lain milik Alanda Kariza, Cassey dan Mbak Nani Puspasari. Betapa kerennya, pikir saya, bisa menulis lancar dalam bahasa Inggris. Saya pun kepengen. Kemudian saya bertekad untuk bisa lancar menulis dalam bahasa Inggris. Caranya? Dengan menuliskan setiap postingan dalam bahasa Inggris. Full.

Sungguh saya pasti tidak berani membaca tulisan saya lagi jaman itu. Untk menulis satu postingan bisa menghabiskan waktu sehari, dengan kamus tergenggam di tangan. Saya ingat masa-masa itu saya suka mau menangis. Ampun menulis aja kok susah. Kenapa niatnya curhat aja kok dibikin susah banget kudu bahasa Inggrisan, pikira negatif saya kala itu (waktu itu istilah galau belum dikenal). Tapi saya memaksa diri saya untuk terus menerus menulis. Belakangan, abang saya yang lain di ITS Online, Mas Arif Hidayat (yaopo kabarmu, mas?) memperkenalkan saya pada kamus online pertama saya,www.kamusorisinil.com, yang membuat saya tidak harus membawa kamus hardcover ke mana-mana. Selanjutnya, perlahan tapi pasti menulis bahasa Inggris menjadi sebuah kewajiban yang dijalani dengan tidak berat hati.

Ketika melihat ke belakang saya masih mengagumi semangat saya saat itu. Tanpa saya sadari, sekarang saya bisa menulis bahasa Inggris dengan lebih mengalir.Saya tidak bilang bahasa Inggris saya buaguuss, tapi jelas saya meningkat cukup pesat dibandingkan awal kuliah dulu hehe... Apa jadinya bila dulu saya tidak ‘iri’ melihat mereka yang menulis blog dalam bahasa Inggris? Saya tidak tahu. Bisa jadi hari ini saya masih stress setiap disuruh menuliskan artikel dalam bahasa Inggris :p

Saya merasa sedikit banyak keinginan saya sudah tercapai. Ya, saya bisa menulis blog dalam bahasa Inggris dengan kualitas yang mencukupi (ini sih subjektif saya... gimana menurut Anda? :p). Di sisi lain, kini ada hal lain yang lebih menggelitik. Ketika saya memutuskan untuk menulis every single post dalam bahasa Inggris, ada yang saya korbankan. Apa itu? Kemampuan merangkai kata-kata indah dalam bahasa Indonesia. Saya bahkan mulai merasa tersaingi (dalam artian positif, kompetisi itu perlu :p ) oleh partner saya sendiri yang punya blog yang dia isi dengan small inspiring things he found in daily life. Blognya ciamik, gaya menulisnya asyik. Saya sampe heran sendiri, ini orang mantan jurnalis yang jam terbangnya diragukan, tidak pernah belajar menulis secara khusus, mentok-mentok nulis laporan Tugas Akhir (yang omong-omong, tipis) tapi sungguh tata bahasanya benar, runtut, gaya berceritanyanya pun mengagumkan. Belum pilihan temanya yang selalu bikin saya ngerasa ‘ih iya banget, kok gue ga perna kepikiran nulis ya?’.  Lalu bagaimana bisa saya yang hampir empat tahun jadi jurnalis, (dulunya) sering juara lomba menulis sekarang bisa-bisanya ngeper melihat tulisannya? Sungguh membuat isin (malu, bahasa jawa).

Dari situ saya berpikir bahwa praktis setelah lulus SMA saya tidak punya (atau tidak menyisihkan) waktu untuk menulis dalam bahasa Indonesia seperti yang saya lakukan dulu. Saya tidak pernah ikut lomba apa-apa lagi. Saya memang menulis artikel berita untuk websitekKampus saya secara rutin mungkin sekitar dua tahun pertama masa kuliah saya, tetapi harus kita akui itu beda karena prinsipnya menulis hot news, apalagi buat media website, adalah singkat dan lugas. Mungkin lain bila saya rajin menulis opini, yang pada kenyataannya tidak juga. Saya lebih suka ngoceh di blog saya yang omong-omong saya treatment full English.

Dan pelan-pelan saya sadar bahwa saya bukan lagi that one yang tidak punya problem untuk menuliskan artikel 500 halaman dalam tempo setengah jam lantas menang lomba.

Kemampuan menulis seperti pisau yang akan tumpul kalau tidak dilatih, seseorang pernah mengatakan hal itu pada saya. Dan saya akui, saya sedih menghadapi fakta bahwa itu sedang terjadi pada diri saya.

Pada akhirnya waktu yang saya sisishkan untuk menulis rutin dalam empat tahun ke belakang ini mungkin sebagian besar beriorientasi pada kemampuan meningkatkan bahasa Inggris saya. Tidak ada penyesalan, tentu, karena saya mendapatkan banyak sekali selama proses yang saya jalani selama ini. Namun ini adalah titik di mana saya harus mengevaluasi diri, mencoret target yang sudah terlampaui dan mengejar target lain yang masih tertinngal. Saya putuskan mulai saat ini blog ini akan berisi dua bahasa secara seimbang, bahasa Indonesia dan bahasa Inggris. Harapannya, saya juga akan menulis lebih rutin karena keberhasilan bukan proses semalam tapi hasil kerja keras yang terus menerus alias rutin.

Terima kasih secara khusus buat Anda yang suka mengintip tulisan saya, mudah-mudahan ada sesuatu yang didapat dari tulisan saya ini :) Terima kasihjuga untuk MasnyaMisstyzha yang banyak melalukan hal sederhana tetapi dalam kesederhanaan itu justru menginspirasi saya :)
Sampai ketemu di postingan berikutnya! English or Bahasa Indonesia? We’ll see :)

*cium basah xxxx*

Finally, Breathe

Hello peeps! How are things going? Alhamdulillah finally I'm done with my last formal responsibility to my parents.. I have just finished my Final Project and now I am waiting for the mark to come out! Well, that makes me still not officially graduate...but it's a start my friend, it's a good start...
Afterall I am already feeling so free! After months of struggling here's the time to release the breath!

get up everyday with no worries is such a gift hehehe..

So this is make it official too to start blogging again! Well, hear from me for the next few days about my Final Project report... or something different! Catch up you all very soon, fellas!


xoxoxoxo

C'est la Vie

You know how funny life can be? When I think I can't be more happy, something ruin my 'happy life' and here, I am writing because I can't believe how this life come in sometimes.

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For the past weeks I have been lucky enough to feel the 'it' feeling; the feeling when you feel that nothing bad can happen... that you fell so grateful, loved... simply happiness is in the air. But today, I face something that make me cry, that push me to call my mum (cause she is the one I want to hear the sound right now, not to mention she is the one who can calm me down in my lowest point). Something that I hate to admit that I can't handle, something that I like to pretend that I am strong. why should pretend?
Because that's how it works. If your not happy, pretend you are until you really feel. That's what I am trying to do with this strong thingy.

Well actually I feel that I am quite strong. But you know, sometimes I just can't believe why some people can be so mean to others. Why some people seems like trying to make others feel down? Get over it people. There's a big difference between advice, critics and something bullshit out of your mouth. Critic is just critic as long as you treat it like it is. But if you exaggerating it and add something that has no sense at all, you know I won't care. And I don't have to, because it's meaningless.

Some people maybe didn't happy with their life. Oh, they won't admit it, of course. But you see in the way they treat others. Like they are perfect, but actually it is themselves that need to be fixed. You see in the way they are talking, hurtful. And they don't have much friends, people can't stand them.

After talked with my mum minutes ago, I feel pretty much better. My anger disappeared and I am starting feel sorry for the bullies. I should be feel thankful because there's always people in my side when I was down, instead of using others to transfer anger and dissatisfaction cause of my own life and problem and own mistake.

I remember when I was little, I have a friend who used to pull my hair. That time, I had a long black hair, and sometimes my Mom braided it. Whenever I came home crying because of what she had done, my Mom will told me to be strong. Sometimes she told me to do it back to her since she didn't seem to stop even she knew it hurts me. So the next time she did, I would forbear myself and pulled her hair back. But then she will pulled it even harder, and I will back home crying again...

You know, that little bullies was having a short curly hair...Got the point? After all, haters will always be haters. Even sometimes it seems there is no way for you, don't let them taking control on you. Just keep trying and hold yourself harder... and ask God to help you :)



Thank's Mom, for always be there... and thank's God for remind me that, afterall, life is just life. No more :)

And for the bullies... I'll be stronger, watch out, yo chicken > :)



Laa Ilaaha Illaa Anta Subhaanaka Innii Kuntu Minazh Zhaalimiin